Shower Attack

Well…..as I suspected, it happened. I was in the shower and you guessed it, that dreaded sound! I grabbed my towel and laid on it, on the floor. There were 2 others in their shower stalls and they didn’t do what they should have. I simply cannot take any chances. This is life or death, after all.
As I quickly ran to my room to get some critical items, I went where I was supposed to go. When I got there, we were talking of where I was when I heard it: without thinking, my response was (out loud) in the shower, naked. At that point I could not take it back. I said it and of course, everyone heard it. Rather funny but clearly those standing around me can all relate. Most of us just pray that we never hear that sound let alone while in the shower. Some of us are not so fortunate. So……after all was “over” we went back inside. I rinsed my conditioner off my hair and basically picker up where I was forced to finish. When I was done and dressed, I thought it would be a good time to Skype with the girls. So….I tried and there wasn’t an answer. So, I emailed Jim and asked him to call to get Skype logged on. They logged on and within minutes I was talking to the girls. After just a few short minutes…..guess what – while on Skype with the girls – that dreaded sound! Number 2 in one night. My heart dropped, skipped a beat and my breath became so short: I absolutely panicked more than normal which I did not think was possible. I could not “end my call” quick enough so as calmly as possible I simply said “I love you girls, I have to go” and on my way to the floor, I hit the power button on the computer hoping it would shut down quicker than ever before so the girls couldn’t hear what I was hearing. Of course, each time you hear that sound…..your heart skips not one beat, many beats. It’s an indescribable, dreaded sound which I hope to never hear again. It is permanently ringing in my ears and I will never be able to forget it. The last I heard was the girl’s voices and I lost it. Yep…..”Big, Bad Mom” was in tears, uncontrollable tears. As afraid as I was, I was even more afraid because I could not hide what was going on from them. I feared they could hear more – I had absolutely no control over it - and the waiting was absolutely miserable. I just can’t describe the feeling a mom gets when you’re unsafe, vulnerable, and continents away while wanting nothing more than a hug from your children. It’s a lifelong pain which I can never forget.
Once I regained my composure I Skyped with the girls again. Happy to reach them, I began asking questions about their summer and how much they enjoyed Shawn and Megan’s wedding. The highlight of the call was when both girls (not in the room when each other was talking with me) told me their favorite part of the wedding was “when they walked down the aisle with Megan” and when they “got introduced at the reception.” How awesome was that? I was so sad that I missed it. Yet, at the same time, I was so happy to hear it was memorable for them, not because I wasn’t there, but because they truly had a good time. Then…. that DAMN dreaded sound again. Yes, the second time (third of the night) and I was again on Skype with the girls. I couldn’t take the emotional roller coaster and I’m convinced I’ve lost some years because of the toll it took on my heart. Like I had just “practiced”, I told the girls I loved them and that I had to go and was able to end my call. When you hear that sound, you never know what is going to happen next. We hear that sound and sometimes hear what set the sound off! All I can say is that you pray….you pray for the safety of those around you! You pray for everyone you know and those you don’t know. When you are here, you can’t help but feel obligated to pray for those you don’t know standing next to you. In the end, we all just want to be alive. Other moms, dads, wives, husbands, daughters, sons, sisters, brothers…..it does not matter who you are, we all just want to be safe! We can’t help but become close friends with those around us….you are kind of all drawn together when you hear that sound. Unfortunately, we all have the same sounds and experiences in our hearts and on our minds. We can’t escape them, trust me, we all would if we could. We now have something so incredible emotional in common with those here with us. These are bonds that cannot be broken by virtue of what they mean. Most, if not all, will leave here and forget the bonds….none of us will leave here and forget that sound.

Since all this happened last night, why change course, you ask? We didn’t….we heard it again twice tonight. While at dinner….yes, we crawled under the table. The bottom line is we are incredibly vulnerable and any given day could be our last. That’s the reality of this place. I try to do something interesting and fun each day because you never know. That’s not so easy to do here...there’s really no where to go. We all eat in the same few places, we work together, we share bathrooms, we workout together. We are able to learn more and more of each other’s families. We learn the names of each other's spouses and children. We can’t help but have “bonds” with those around us. I often have to look for and find my inner strength to fight my tears and fears. I use comedy as relief. Yes, on occasion, I even talk like a Sailor. Humor and words can be a great way to get you through a rough time…..trust me!

As we enter into this very special weekend in the US, please, please, please take just one moment out of your day to thank those around me. Not me, thank the others. I have met a group of Chiefs (friends we Chief's call brothers and sisters) who have roughly 40 days left. Pray that they make it home safely to their families. When I get to a number that small, I’ll then ask for your prayers. At that point, I will need additional prayers to continue finding my inner strength. Yes, I will be sad when my new friends leave, however, I know there are new friends in my future. You will never be able to replace the current friends because our daily experiences have forged bonds which cannot be severed or forgotten. Sadly, we are likely to never see most of these folks again. It’s a horrible feeling to have spent so much time with your new friends, learn about their families and fun things their kids are doing, yet we are one day all pulled apart and likely to never see each other again. This is life in the military. Just know that I have a lot more days here and I’m sure, unfortunately, that will equate to hearing that sound a lot more times. I pray I am wrong.

Happy 4th of July, Americans!!! I am here so you don’t ever have to hear that sound………